kimizone.com

wake up every day with childlike joy

We held Peter’s memorial over the weekend, it went really well. Though he probably wouldn’t have liked it much, a little too much for his humble self, think everyone else loved it. There were so many great words spoken about him, will likely put them here, as a keep sake.

I read a great poem, which i’ll also post, which lead into the part of the ceremony where peter was celebrated. After the last person spoke, these were my words: 

It’s been a wonderful day of celebrating Peter’s life. As a family, it’s wonderful to hear these thoughts and stories about him, a reflection of his way in the world.  

Peter was my uncle, my mother’s brother. When we were children, he was always the mysterious uncle, travelling to far off places… Russia, the congo, Washington… to us kids he was always very exotic.  Despite the distance he was a constant in our lives and dearly loved.
 It was as an adult I finally got to know him. For me it began with staying at his condominium during what became an annual summer trip to Toronto. Time with him became part of the bonus of the extended weekend`s activities. It was during these times that we really had time to talk, and open up about our lives, past and present.  That he shared himself with me, I will always treasure, he was a special and unique man in so many ways.
Though it’s true he had a wonderful career at CP, and was a companionate and dedicated volunteer at Casey House, what i want to speak about is his last journey.
As it turned out, it was likely one of the most important journeys of his lifetime.  My role in it was as co-power of attorney.  That role opened up a unique bond between he and i, one that will remain with me forever. 

Initially I was called to the hospital in mid April, where he had been rushed with what would be his final bout with pneumonia. It was terrifying to watch him struggle for breath, struggle to communicate, struggle to retain control.  What came out of that initial trip was the foundation for both of us the next few months of his journey. A journey that would keep me at his bedside for 48 days.

As in his life, what he wanted most was to remain present and in control every step of the way, no matter how difficult. My role was simple, to truly listen to that even when he or i got scared by the reality of what that meant. My role was to simply hold onto his hand and give him the calm he needed to get over each hurdle.

The journey turned out to be a long and tough one. Peter went through it with the most amazing grace, humility, strength, vulnerability and ultimately faith.

One of the biggest changes in him, was that of extreme vulnerability. Peter was always a self sufficient man, use to taking care of himself. Yet during this time he had to count on those around him to help him with the simplest of tasks. He learned to trust, welcome and accept that help. He opened up his heart and we all felt a deep connection in that time.

Then there was holding of his hand. It began with him finding comfort of a hand during the roughest times. But that holding of hand and the comfort he got out of that grew and grew. Hours upon hours of simply sitting holding onto him by his hands punctuated the days. When people would arrive, he would look deeply into their eyes, give a big smile and reach out for their hand.

As hard as it was for him to speak by then he seemed to develop a real need to communicate, talk, and share. In his darkest moments, what came out were the words. A sharing of himself, that was so precious to all around him.

Despite how hard those months were, he always retained his sense of wry humour, his curiosity about the world… his newspaper always at hand for those moments when he was able to focus.

In the end, everything was taken from him. Stripped down to just himself and the will to live. As hard as it was to watch, there was a beauty and grace about his process. As hard as it was to loose him, and most especially loose him in such suffering. To be present and with someone in the way he let me be at that time was a true gift he gave me.

I walk away a changed person.

laying under the silvery moon in a silvery cocoon

My sister’s here from germany with family for thanksgiving and Peter’s memorial on saturday. The week seems to have flown by too quickly. 

The boys cooked up a feast on thanksgiving, that their grandfather aka Grumpy would have been proud of. Turkey, stuffing, an amazing potato/sweet potato pie, beans, pumpkin soup, pumpkin pie (both from an acutal pumpkin… go figure!), home made humus, chocolate cake, key lime pie…. a feast i tell ya!

As a result of having my little suburban bungalow filled with people, my girl and i have been sleeping in the airstream for the week. It’s been truly lovely. Even though we aren’t quite done the reno’s, and we are still in the back yard, it’s still amazing to be semi  “living” the airstream dream. 

Laying there last night as the full moon shone in…. I still am constantly pinching myself.  Pictures up on flickr

saw melissa ferrick last week in montreal, it was amazing. The venue was so small and intimate, i felt like she was singing to us in my living room. bought a copy of her CD, had her sign it… what can i say! it’s great, she’s amazing… go see her!

life teaches you, you listen. you absorb. sometimes you back down from your beliefs as sometimes that’s what needs to happen. so, today, i’m backing down. have taken some stuff off, not sure what i’ll do in the future of freedom of expression. If you are interested in reading version 2 of kimizone, let me know and in time i’m sure there will be a version 2. It may continue here, or there. for now, it stops here. fluff for now

floating along in a bubble high above the earth

Life is full of abundance these days, so full i feel like i’m in a dream. (if i wake up, i’m going to be some pissed!). The most amazing thing happened over the weekend as a part of the continuing dream.

I found and bought an air stream trailer. She’s a 27′ beauty, of a vintage age 1974. Even the way it all unfolded was a story in itself.

I went online Friday doing my usual search, and found this on on kajiiji, somewhere i’ve never considerd looking. Was actually looking for montreal air stream dealers, as i figured if i had the dream, i may as well actually step in side of one!

One of the first links googled was an ad, and after 3 years of checking out the older ones, knew this was a sweet deal. Made arrangements with the fellow (who turns out to be a pretty well known musician in the US, Ray Bonneville) to see it outside of montreal. We got a little lost, but this lovely farmer stopped and helped us. Rounded a corner and there she was, parked beside a lovely pond on the grounds of an amazing home.

The home actually belongs to a Canadian actor (foster someone… i was too shy to ask when he said he was an actor… he looks familiar, and it’s going to haut me till i figure it out!), and his artist wife http://www.susanvalyi.com/ (who’s work is stunning, we had a little studio tour…. telling you the whole thing was like a dream).

Fell in love right then and there, she’s a beauty. Deffinatly needs some work, but it’s more the blank canvas kind of work, than major structural. For now she’s going to be parked in the yard, many plans afloat, then who knows in the future, route 66 here i come.

taking a break, writing only fulff for now

lovely evening spent between 4 ample bosoms

Not sure what i ever did in my life to deserve such loving, but loving i got in spades of late. My ottawa wives decended for a mid week visit last night, and it turned into a big old love fest. 

WE went for a long walk in the forest with the dogs when they first arrived, then we cracked open some wine and had a most amazing evening. Full of laughter, heart to heart conversation, good food… the simple luxury of time spent together.

Jan brought some kind of face ironouter thingie (nu skin), she did my nails… toes and fingers, and joanie rubbed my hands all over with lotion, spoilt and pampered doesn’t even come close to describing.

With all the stuff that’s gone on since april, i have only seen them once over the summer, not enough for sure. I’m left with such a great feeling this morning, of being blessed to have two such lovely women in my life. They love and get me, i them.

Dylan got his first tatoo… my baby’s virginal skin.

As he’s studying to be a chef, he felt this was a good start to his tatoo collection. 

English translation: I cook for sex

Course that’s what he thinks it says, who knows since french is our other language!

the amazing feeling of waking up with a bright light inside my heart

Had a lovely walk in the woods yesterday, the first all summer. There’s this amazing forest not far from the house that i discovered last year, that we (friends and dogs) or just i and dog loved to go to pretty much every day. Then in typical canadian fashion, the second it gets really nice, the mosquitos come out in droves. Not to be out done by them, we tried to run it, walk it fast, but pretty much gave up after a few attempts.

Now that the summer is winding down, so are the bugs, I decided to see if it was do-able again, even though we are having really hot weather. To my utter delight, it was. 

I was in heaven, have missed it so. The walk was a real welcome back kind of feeling. I have deb’s dog for the week, and if dogs could smile, he had the biggest one on ever. Last year when she got him, he had been a city dog, never ran off leash. I remember well the first times we took him, he took to it immediatly, like he’d been running the trails for his whole life.

It was green, fresh, sun speckled, quiet, earthy smelling and simply magical.